The Evolution of Friendships

22 January 2017

I have hit a milestone common in most people's lives, in which I have begun to lose touch with many friends I’ve had since high school. With some of them I have not realized it was happening until it did. Others I have intentionally weeded from the garden of my life. We are too different now. They are not people I believe are good for me. We do not get along. I have to consciously work to be around them. It no longer comes naturally.

The numerous amount of quotes referring to friendships and aging should warn us. In retrospect I wish I’d heeded them, and recognized that I am not an exception just because it hasn’t happened yet. “Friends come and go, but a precious few, who should hold on.” “Continents drift, and so do hearts.”

There are many friendships I have lost as my twenties have progressed, but couples come to the forefront of my mind. So many of my friends have gotten engaged or married and started families of their own. After escaping an eight year relationship a couple of years ago, I am happily single and have no interest in changing that or partaking in dating and relationship traditions.

As pleased as I am with my life’s trajectory, it becomes very frustrating sitting around a table of significant others while they talk about their domestic lives and ask if I’m seeing anyone. There is a disconnect between us that my voice is not strong enough to cross. I am adrift in a rowboat by myself and they are not trying to reach me. Many of them have dropped hobbies and interests we used to share. They do not have time for them anymore, and I wish that they’d make the time, and not allow their relationships to dismantle who they are, or used to be in any case.

As I browse social media, I begin to wonder if more people feel this way or if I am perhaps being left behind. Nearly every post from the people I went to school with refers to their husbands or wives, or their children. I am beginning to think Facebook should be renamed MyBabyBook. I may be cruel for having no interest in knowing what Little Jimmy ate for lunch today, or that Karla woke up sick. Perhaps it’s because I remember when we didn’t need to update everyone on the mundane details of our day to day lives. It’s just like posting what you ate. People are projecting their me mentality onto their children. No one really cares, but they pretend to.

Or perhaps it is that I am unwilling to pretend anymore. So many replies to posts seem insincere to me. The words are superficial, not genuine. It seems they don't actually care how the person is doing, or what they’ve said. The Facebook wall that was meant to bring people together is now a literal wall between myself and those I care about.

I’m aware I sound lonely and bitter, like the cliche old man yelling at whippersnappers to stay off his lawn like my childhood neighbor Ace. Thankfully, it is not the case. Some friendships have fallen away as our commonalities have decreased, making room for a select few to rise and grow stronger. These are people I know feel the same way I do, have the same values and interests I do, and they fit seamlessly into my life. They are my comrades, and I know I will never be left behind even if our life paths change.

Most of these friendships are ones that weakened in high school, but have existed for much longer than any others I’ve ever had. Two of my best friends and I had separate experiences in high school, but we have been friends since we were five years old. Our friendships are old enough to order their own drinks. Not many can say that, and I am thankful for them and our renewed connections, bonding experiences, road trips, travels, and creative adventures. I suppose that I should thank the friends that have dropped away as well, for I find these refreshed friendships to be more rewarding and more sincere. #DreamTeamForLife.

There is a general consensus among neurologists that brain development likely persists until at least the mid twenties. This explains a lot to me. This is most likely why the majority of what I prefer, and so many of my opinions have further and more concretely formed in the last few years.

Despite all of my nuclear family nay saying I used to want children and a husband. I have changed my career path, my values have transformed, my personality has matured, and my friendships have shifted for the better.

Though I wish our brains matured earlier so I could my true values better seeded in my life, I am thankful it happens before too much time slips away. There are now five people I know are my ride or die homies, and that is more than enough for me.

No longer do I put such importance on having a large group of close friends. I do not have the energy or the time for it. I have more to give to each one of them, now that there are fewer. Now I truly understand the quote I cited earlier, “friends come and go, but a precious few, who should hold on.”